Jokes

If you like music puns, you have A-Major problem.

Speaking of music puns, if you do just so happen to like them, don't fret.

Why do milking stools only have three legs?
'Cause the cow's got the 'udder!

I once met a famous Rapper who always carried an umbrella with him, and when I asked him why he did, he said, "Fo drizzle, man!"

What do you call a fish with no eye?
A FSH.

Nosy peppers are just Jalapeno business.

Two atoms are walking down the street together. The first atom turns and says, "Hey, you stole an electron from me!"
"Are you sure?" asks the second atom.
To which the first atom replies, "I'm not only sure, I'm positive!"

What do you call a psychic midget who has escaped from prison?
A small medium at large.

Why does a Moon-rock taste better than an Earth-rock?
Because it's a little meteor.

Why did Cinderella get kicked off the softball team?
Because she ran away from the ball!

What did the policeman say to his stomach?
"I've got you under a vest!"

How much money do dead batteries cost?
Nothing. They're free of charge.

Two fish are in a tank. One to the other and says, "You drive, I'll man the guns."

Did you hear about the fire in the circus? It was in tents.

What do grapes do what you squish them?
They whine.

What do you call a deer with no eye?
No idear!

A guy walks into a bar with a slab of concrete. He says, "I'll have on root beer, and one for the road."

A skeleton walks into a bar. He orders a soda, and a mop.

How do you drown a hipster?
In the mainstream.

Whoever invented Knock-Knock jokes should win a no-bell prize.

A man who made calendars was fired on morning, all because he took a day off.

I would bet that a butcher couldn't reach the meat on the top shelf, but the steaks are too high.

The past, present, and future walk into a bar. It was tense.

What happens if life gives you melons?
You're dyslexic.

There were two peanuts walking down a dark ally, and one was assaulted.

I told a chemistry joke to some of my friends...there was no reaction.
You say, "Seriously?"
To which I reaply, "Nah."